Do you Want to Know a Secret?
by Queen-of-stupidity
Summary: "I know a secret Marlene. Somebody fancies you." Unrequited MarleneJames drabbles, featuring Blackinnon.
1. Everybody hurts

Not good enough.

The words play a constant mantra in my head, beating like a drum in the back of my head, reaching in and tearing my soul apart, ripping it into tiny little shreds without a care in the world.

Because I'm not. I'm not good enough. My hair doesn't have that _glossy_ red quality that hers does, my eyes aren't that shade of _glittering_ green and I'll never, ever deserve James Potter, not like _she_ does.

Good, (the sort of adjective you would use to describe a three-star restaurant, or a 10% discount), but not perfect, not extraordinary, not noticeable.

I'm not good enough, because I'm not Lily Evans.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles (a.k.a the band that produced the titular song)

Everybody Hurts (sometimes...) by R.E.M


	2. Because I got high

Warnings: drug reference...

* * *

In retrospect, (yes, I know I shouldn't look back on the past) getting James Potter to date me was the worst thing I have ever done.

Have you ever had that feeling that you're on top of the world, you can literally do anything, almost like you're on drugs?

Then you know that when you come crashing, crashing down to the cold, hard pavement, it can break your heart into a million pieces.

I thought that I'd finally won.

I hadn't.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Because I got high (Afroman)


	3. So What

Warnings: usage of the word bitch in this chapter - now it's there twice.

* * *

As soon as I see the article, I tear it apart, refusing to let the tears come.

They're engaged.

To be married.

And I'm obviously still the biggest fool in the planet, because I dated James Potter nearly two years ago yet I'm still hung up over him.

Except I'm not, not any more at least.

So I decide don't give a damn about them getting married, that not one tiny bit of me actually cares. I look better in white than Evans anyway, I reassure my reflection, adjusting my headband until it's perfectly placed upon my head.

(and that bitch Skeeter just had to give her a glowing review didn't she?)

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

So What (belongs to Pink)


	4. I hate you then I love you

Sometime in the middle of fourth year, halfway through a Charms lesson, James Potter turns Lily Evans' hair purple.

I laugh along with the rest (and pray to merlin nobody heard me snort), because maybe, just maybe, this is a sign he's getting over her, hopefully for good (because last time, his attempt ultimately failed)

Not that he doesn't date other girls, James Potter is notorious for it, but it's obvious that he only uses them to make Lily jealous, like playthings he can just throw away like that for _her_, for _Evans_.

Sometimes, I really _hate_ my crush (but then I think of that untameable black hair and irrefutably _hazel_ eyes and sigh again)

James Potter just does that to me.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

I hate you then I love you (by Celine Dion)


	5. Lies

"I can't believe him! He's asked me out what - a hundred times?" Lily mutters, stomping around the dormitory while her friend Alice nods in mindless approval.

"Ninety-two." I pipe up from my bed, startling them. No wonder.

I doubt Lily Evans actually knew I existed until now.

"How do you know?" she asks curiously.

"Photographic memory." I make up on the spot, cursing myself for such an outrageous lie that's sure to be a pain in the arse later.

"Lucky!" she grumbles, pulling out her charms textbook with a sigh.

I blink slowly and grin at her, my smile as fake as Alice' hair (because, really, she is definitely _not_ a natural blonde)

The real reason I know is because each of those ninety-two times some invisible force plunged a dagger in my chest that it refused to pull out.

* * *

Um, so I don't like the last bit. It seems kinda crappy. I'll come back to it later maybe.

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Lies (by the Rolling Stones)


	6. We Get On

It's half-past two in the morning and I just know that I'm going to get caught, but I have this sudden urge for food, so great a craving (literally my stomach feels like it's going to explode with hunger) I have to sustain it.

Hastily, I creep down the steps, until I collide with something heavy and relatively human shaped. I open my mouth in silent scream, before something clamps round it.

"Are you alright?" it whispers.

The voice is vaguely familiar but I can't place -

I look up slowly.

Those hazel eyes, the ones that haunt my dreams at night are staring back at me.

"F-fine." I stutter, trying to balance myself.

"McKinnon right?"

Trying to control the ultimate ecstasy that is him _knowing my name_, I manage a nod, squeaking out a yes.

For a moment, I think that he will catch on to my feelings, or call me a freak, but his mouth widens into a grin.

"James Potter, Gryffindor, Fourth year."

"We're in the same house. And year."

His eyes brighten up. "Oh, are you in Lily's dormitory?"

"I'm not giving you any of her underwear."

"I like you, McKinnon."

Maybe I'm not _so_ invisible after all.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

We Get On (belongs to Kate Nash)


	7. Special Brew

Warnings: f-bomb, sexual references, references to alcohol

* * *

Alcohol, I decide, is a fuck-load more reliable than James Potter.

Beer won't ditch you for some ginger tart with the name of Lily Evans, won't abandon you on the night of your birthday, won't break up with you under the false pretence that there is 'nobody else' then go off and shag said ginger tart approximately a week later.

They're the same really, James Potter and beer. Bitter yet addicting, with that intensity that dizzies your head until you're too drunk to walk.

And both will end up breaking your heart.

* * *

I don't own (this part always depresses me):

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Special Brew (by Bad Manners)

Virtual hug to S38 for reviewing last chapter!


	8. Temporary Insanity

"Come with me to Hogsmeade." he pleads, dragging me by the hand to the stairwell, where he plops himself down on the bottom step, a sense of resignation about him.

Seeing my expression, he quickly amends his words. "Not as a date, just as friends. Sirius and Peter have detention and Remus...his mother is sick, and blimey, Marlene is it really that bad to date me?"

"No!" I tell him a little too quickly, but his face just creases up with sadness.

"Try and get Lily to see that." he mutters. "She'll come around."

"Really? You think so?"

Knowing my luck, _yes_.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Temporary Insanity (by Alexz Johnson)


	9. Do you Want to Know a Secret?

"Want some?" he asks, pushing the butterbeer over to me.

I grimace. "I can't believe you couldn't afford two."

"I could afford it, I just forgot the money." he protests.

"Oh right, James Potter, millionaire, I remember now."

I giggle and he pretends to pull a face. "I know a secret Marlene."

I cease laughing and look at those hazel eyes, twinkling with mischief, gulping a little, my stomach swooping higher than I thought possible.

"Yeah? You wet the bed?"

"No..." he trails off, unblinking eyes studying my face.

"Somebody fancies you."

My mouth goes dry.

"Sirius likes you." he tells me, smirking slightly.

"Don't tell him I told you though."

My heart returns to it's normal rate. He peers at me through his glasses.

"Are you blushing? You are!" he shouts triumpantly. "You fancy Sirius!"

"I don't!" I argue. "Whatever you say, Marlene _Black_." he chuckles.

And I suppose that it's better than him knowing the truth, but really, James Potter is an _idiot_.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

This is not the last of Blackinnon...


	10. Back to Black

Warnings: F-bomb.

* * *

"You're using me to get to _him_, aren't you?" His voice is hollow as he speaks, eyes dark and sunken in, averting my gaze.

"Sirius, I-"

"Don't. Don't Marlene. You did this in fourth year, and now you're doing it again. I guess that makes me the fool then doesn't it, for loving you?" he spits.

"I love you." I tell him, and he forces out a bitter laugh.

"You love _James_. I'm not that stupid, Marlene. But since he's with Lily, you had to come running back to Black, to try and make Potter jealous, didn't you?"

"No." I whisper half-heartedly.

"Get the fuck out."

I go.

* * *

I didn't really have any inspiration, so I switched on my IPod and Back to Black started playing which of course, created this punny/depressing Drabble.

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Back to Black (Amy Winehouse)

Virtual hug to S38 for reviewing again, I'll try and keep the Blackinnon to a minimum but it is a pretty central part of the plot!


	11. It's all Over Now Baby Blue

Warnings: death

* * *

Green (the colour of _her_ eyes) light flashes around the room, and I barely have time to look around to find the target, before I realise.

It's _me_.

And all that's left is hazel, hazel, _hazel_, of course it is.

_Him_, his panicked face leaning over mine, so close, too close, to kiss, but he is with her and I am, or at least verging on -

Nothingness.

Those eyes, _my_ eyes, flutter slowly for the last time, before I am greeted by black (_his_ hair).

_Dead_.

* * *

Wow they're getting pretty morbid now

I don't own:

Harry Potter

Its all Over Now Baby Blue (by Bob Dylan)


	12. Creep

Warnings: f-bomb

* * *

I don't belong.

Not with Sirius, not with James, not in Gryffindor (nor any other house), nowhere.

I'm not perfect little Evans, who has everyone hanging on by a thread, willing to do whatever they fuck she likes.

Nobody notices me.

(James broke up with me today)

(A little piece of my heart shattered.)

I'm Marlene McKinnon, invisible girl, too ordinary for anyone to care.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Creep (by Radiohead)


	13. And Then He Kissed Me

"Dance with me." James says, pulling my arm out to the middle of the floor. He tucks a piece of tinsel around my ear and I blush bright red (cursing my hormones as I do so)

"What about Evans?" I ask him. He shrugs his shoulders.

"She'll be jealous." I warn him and he repeats the action.

"Who cares about Evans?" (him, I find myself thinking)

And then he kisses me.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Then he kissed me (by the Crystals)


	14. Never Tear Us Apart

For the months that I am James Potter's girlfriend, I rarely leave his side.

Maybe it's because I believe that if I cling onto something _just_ enough, it won't leave me.

He won't go if I don't let him.

I know it annoys him, I _know _he hates it, but I can't help wondering what his reaction would be if Evans did it.

And I hold on harder.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Never Tear Us Apart (by INXS, but personally, I prefer the Paloma Faith version).


	15. Your Song

What is this _strange_ feeling?

I can't eat.

I can't sleep.

I feel sick. Constantly. Like there's something gnawing at my insides, sending my stomach into never-ending cartwheels swishing round and round and round and round.

And I think it's his fault, because whenever he looks at me, I can't stop myself from smiling.

His eyes, those hazel, _hazel_ eyes follow me wherever I go, consistently stuck on my brain, his face refusing to leave my mind.

I have _no_ idea why.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Your Song (Elton John)


	16. Love Me Do

He rolls over in his sleep, arms stretched out, legs spread wide apart.

I tug him closer to me, pulling off his glasses and placing them on the nightstand.

"Evans." he murmurs and I ignore the painful stabbing at my chest and heart.

I press my lips to his forehead, whispering 'I love you' over and over again, until my throat is sore and my lips are dry and cracked.

He doesn't say it back.

He _never_ says it back.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Virtual hug to S38 for reviewing, updates will be a lot more regular now I promise! : )


	17. The One I Love

"We need to talk."

_I'm breaking up with you._

"Sirius, I - "

_I'm in love with your best friend._

"We're both young and I'm not ready for a relationship right now."

_With you._

"It's not you, or me -"

_It's James. _

"We're fifteen and I just don't see this as anything...more, really."

_As in, I see myself in five years time with a certain messy-haired, hazel-eyed James Potter._

"I love you, but I'm not in love with you."

_You're not him._

* * *

Wow this was depressing. I just kept imagining Sirius' reaction to it - it didn't help that she used the most cliched dumping lines ever (that was on purpose)

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

R.E.M


	18. Better Off Without A Wife

It's just like I imagined in Charms class, six or seven years ago when I was only a twelve year old daydreamer, except it's all _wrong_.

The groom is correct, that dark-haired, lean man with the easygoing smile and not a hint of nerves but the bride, the bride isn't.

Her hair is red (dark, dark red, reddish-brown, really) instead of blonde, she is carrying carnations instead of roses and her smile is too white, too perfect, not at all crooked.

Not like mine.

It's the upside-down wedding, so right for _them _yet so totally, utterly heartbreaking for me, poor little Marlene McKinnon who never gets the guy.

No, he ends up marrying Lily Evans.

* * *

Wow this was pretty long.

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Better Off Without a Wife (by Tom Waits)


	19. Fuckin' Perfect

Warnings: f bomb, word bitch

Is this how life is supposed to be?

Am I just there to play the role of the jealous, bitchy ex-girlfriend who gets laughed at and ridiculed purely because James Potter doesn't love her, _me_, anymore?

When I say anymore, I lie. He never loved me in the first place.

Am I constantly going to be second best to Lily Evans, who whinges about her life like it's awful even though she's fucking _perfect_ in every single way?

I'm not even second best, I probably fall third or fourth in the list of people close to James' heart.

In fact I wonder if I'm still, or ever was, on it.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Fuckin' Perfect (by Pink)


	20. Just Like Heaven

I am tossed into darkness, before being greeted by white, blinding light, too bright, yet not hurting my eyes, not at all, _somehow_.

"Marlene."

"Jacob?"

"Yeah."

"Where are we?"

"I think we're dead, little sister."

"Dead?"

"Yeah."

"Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think James - " I take a deep breath. "And _Lily_ - will be here soon?"

"I don't know. Hope so."

"Me too."

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Just Like Heaven (by the Cure)


	21. Since U Been Gone

I lose a couple of pounds.

My results go up. I start to get Outstanding grades in Transfiguration, Charms, even History of Magic - a rarity for _anyone_ let alone me.

The Ministry of Magic offers me a job for when I leave Hogwarts. I'm still pretending to consider it.

Every single day people tell me that I'm 'glowing' that I look so much 'better' and how ironically healthy I am, _considering_.

That my boyfriend just left me for another girl.

So why does it feel like I'm not able to breathe anymore?

* * *

So I wrote this and then I was like 'have I used Since U Been Gone before?' But I looked back and apparently I hadn't, so...voila.

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Since U been Gone by Kelly Clarkson


	22. Smile Like You Mean It

I paint on that fake smile and pretend I'm okay.

Fine, completely, totally _fine_ with them dating, kissing, holding hands, _more_.

Cast a silencio charm on myself at night so the rest of my dorm doesn't hear the tears, the heartbreaking sobs that escape me.

I sneak down to the kitchens, eat a little (translation: a lot) of ice cream and rant to the house elves about my problems.

I say I'm okay.

I'm not.

I'm dying on the inside.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Smile Like You Mean It (by The Killers)


	23. I'm Yours

Warnings: F-bomb

* * *

An Unsent Letter to James Potter from Marlene McKinnon

* * *

Dear Prongs (that is that dumb nickname Sirius came up with, right?)

It took me a while before I realised that I was sick of it.

Totally fed up with basing every decision I make on the same stupid, ignorant troublemaker who just has to flash a smirk to make me die inside - a.k.a you.

Too utterly _jaded_ to feel that bitter emotion whenever I see you and Evans together, so miserable I cannot even be bothered to hope that you'll come back to me.

Because know you _won't_.

Guess what? My heart doesn't belong to you anymore. From now on, I'm doing things for me and me alone.

So congratulations, James Potter, I am _so_ over you and your _snotty_ little ginger _girlfriend_. Oh right, it's wife now, isn't it?

And prove how totally mature I am now, I won't even end this with 'fuck you.'

(Except I totally just did.)

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

I'm Yours (by Jason Mraz)


	24. Torn

I'm a fool.

A beautiful little fool, in the words of Fitzgerald, because that's what I am.

Pretty, pretty, but so vulnerable, so easily broken - just...snapped in half like the worthless being I am.

My blue, icy blue eyes are practically built for crying, tears from some heartbreak or another - like right now, my 'cute as a button' nose is turned up - (ironic, it seems suspicious when I am _too_ trusting) and only ignorant, ditzy things fall from my perfect pink mouth.

Not like Evans.

Nothing like Evans.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Torn (by Natalie Imbruglia)

The Great Gatsby

Face cast time: I found the perfect Marlene (for me at least) - Candice Accola, so make of that what you will.


	25. Oops I Did It Again!

"Look, Marlene," Sirius sighs and I smooth down the wrinkles on my skirt and turn to face him. "I've come to the conclusion that I might - "

_Don't say it. _

_"_Possibly - "

_James_.

"Like you." He finishes, looking at me with those puppy dog eyes that break my heart a million times over,

"It's okay." I say.

_No - don't - _

"I - "

_Shut up, mouth! _

"Like you too."

_Shit_.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Oops!...I did it again.

Virtual hug to S38 for reviewing again - I could totally see Ashley Benson in the role of Marlene!


	26. Eye of the Tiger

He draws back his fist and he punches.

Several things happen at once.

Kris Corner - the victim (no, his parents did not think in choosing his name), reels backwards, too late to avoid the blow, yet quick enough to soften the impact.

Lily Evans - a.k.a the cause of the punch-up (after sleeping with the victim - who dumped her a week later) screams (one of those incredibly high ones that manages to sound impossibly girly) and steps forward to restrain the attacker - one very _angry_ James Potter.

And me? My heart shatters just like Kris Corner's nose does, because of a punch from a James Potter.

* * *

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Eye of the Tiger (by Survivor)


	27. Explosion

"Marlene - "

"Don't." I hold up one trembling hand, pushing past him to get to the door.

"Wait!" James calls after me, and I turn back to look at him, eyes blazing with fury.

"Just tell me this," I sigh, bitterness creeping into my tone. "Did you ever really like me? Or was it - " I pause. "All for her?"

Silence.

"Like I thought."

"Don't go."

"Run back to Evans." I tell him. "We all know that's where you'd rather be."

* * *

Finished. *sob*

I don't own:

Harry Potter

The Beatles

Explosions (by Ellie Goulding)


End file.
